Build the Life You Want

How to Build More of the Life You Want

In Wealthy, Wise by 1 Comment

Build the Life You Want

There is one thing that held me back for more than 20 years in creating the business I wanted.

One thing I consistently did that meant I had less impact, served fewer people, and made less money.

I feel a hot blush of shame writing this so taking a deep breath…

That one thing that held me back? Not allowing myself to ask for what I wanted. What I did instead:

  • Limp along, not taking the time to build the right team or nurture connections with powerful colleagues.
  • Not make clear requests of people working for me.
  • Not slow down to create the systems and “story of my business” that allowed other people to bring their full talents to bear.
  • Tell myself “I should have done this a long time ago and since I didn’t, now it’s too late.” (Talk about circular logic!)

Slowly but surely, over the last three years, I have unwound this crabby ancient pattern and the results have been truly incredible. Increased impact, more revenue, less last-minute “holy shit” moments that make me sick with anxiety, and best of all? Me owning what I want.

Me standing in my desires, saying, “This is the truer life I want. This is the world I want to build & shape.” That’s a fundamental part of changing our lives and our world. That’s how you get more of the life you want: owning what you want! Dare to want it.

It’s so fundamental, so obvious, and so damn terrifying. From thinking you want too much and can’t make it happen (and you can’t, not exactly) to thinking you want too little and are settling (who says? it’s up to you!), to the almost universal story, “Who am I to ____?”

This last week I unwound my old pattern in a big way. I convened an actual in-the-flesh meeting with my team (+ 2 very cool bonus kids).

This was a HUGE, huge step for me. To believe in myself and my projects enough to fly my two assistants to my house and spend three days meeting and dreaming just for me and my ideas, my projects? Gulp. Head rush. High five.

Here’s another HUGE thing that happened – I made an 18-month plan. ME! To even write that makes my heart rev. I have for so long resisted any timelines because again, it meant declaring, “I want this. I’m willing to want this with all my heart and put in the grit to back it up.” I am. I know what I want. I’m seeing it through.

Want what you want. Own it. Enlist others. Make it public. Put resources into your desire (without being aspirational or going into serious debt). Convene a mastermind like mine – a huge factor in changing my pattern. Trade for help. Stop looking to others to tell you want to do and trust your desires.

Whatever it looks like, ask for what you want. Okay?!!



About the Author

Jen Louden is a writer and personal growth pioneer who helped launch the self-care movement with her first book The Woman’s Comfort Book. She's the author of 5 additional books on well-being and whole living, including The Woman's Retreat Book, which landed her on Oprah, and her newest The Life Organizer.

From the Author


  1. Drs

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so lost right now. Losing yoluresf can be so so so hard. If it helps and if not, it’s totally ok to ignore this part altogether I have lost myself a few times too. So much so that, at one point, I was pretty sure it was for good. But finding my rhythm helped me find my way back to me again. And I’ve seen other people who felt seriously lost find their way back too.All of that to say here’s to you finding your way back too. I’ll send some extra good vibes your way during the retreat.

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